It’s certainly a challenge to regress, especially if I’m not surrounded by other regressors. My goal is to regress. I realized that if Cody’s job is to mature and grow, my job is to regress, to stop thinking of myself as someone who is aging.

I guess I equate that to worrying, to catastrophizing, to nitpicking. It’s also an emotional thing. I can feel myself aging. I can feel myself withering, worrying myself to(wards) death. I can feel the difference between conversations and activities that encourage that inching towards my demise, and those that encourage youthfulness and a recapturing of what I once had at all times.

But it’s hard when you are close to others who wouldn’t understand this sort of thinking or dreaming. Those who revel in the banal. In the most adult thought patterns. Those who are dark. Adulthood is a dark, hellish place, if you don’t know how to find escape hatches from it. But I won’t give up. I can be strong. Maybe I can even find better examples to be close to. To surround myself with. I need to look back. Backwards. I need to keep regressing. It is my best and only hope.