I can be just as alone with other people as I am by myself.
But I’m not alone, even when I physically am. I am really rather cluttered with company – all my ghosts. Like Scrooge. He had his 3 ghosts. And like him, my ghosts would be willing to teach me some things, if I could redirect their repeating tapes. There are ghosts whom I am drawn to (much more than is realistic or appropriate or advisable) and there are ghosts I detest (again, more than recommended).

But all these ghosts keep me in a loop – their loop – and my life progresses at a snail’s pace, if I’m lucky. I am stuck in a small room with lots of bodies – disembodied ones.

But I don’t know the way out, is the problem. I am good enough at ignoring and blocking out all the ghosts while in the same room. That is not a great accomplishment. Or is it? Are they that scary and problematic that I should consider myself lucky to eschew them temporarily?

originally published on 12/21/09