I will try to write without breaking the trance that aids me, so it seems. The meditative state, perhaps. I will take it or leave it. That’s my diet of the day. If I can feel that I can take it or leave it, perhaps in a sort of blasé way, then I am left in a position of being able to make my own decisions. Because it’s not that I don’t understand how to eat. It’s that I feel compelled to eat inappropriately.

There are inner and outer triggers that qualify as compulsions. Maybe I feel that I will disappoint someone if I don’t eat in the manner they expect me to. Or I sense a ghost lurking inside me advising me to eat this or eat that, maybe because I did it before and it didn’t kill me, so what’s the harm?