There’s an issue of scope. It runs from the very small to the very large. Am I supposed to focus on the moment as it is happening or see the grand scheme leading up to and coming away from the now? And where should I start and end from? I am finding my physical challenges particularly apparent right now. In what context can I place fatigue? In the moment I strive to avoid it. But as my schedule compounds and it becomes unavoidable, I see it can be an ally in enriching the music-making. It is like an athlete who reaches his peak after a good amount of time placing his body under stress. There is an arc created, but it is difficult to account for it in the present moment.

originally published on 11/29/07

I feel sticky ’cause I ate cheese. The oils come out in my pores, I guess. Happily I have this new Burt’s Bees cleanser that feels tingly and smells lemony. It’s much gentler than the Lush tea tree oil soap I’ve been using. I also have the Kiss My Face line of olive oil bar soaps for general shower use. Just position some rosemary and oregano on me and I’ll be ready for the oven!
That Mahler 4 refuses to depart from my brain. Even something so great suffers from umpteen recyclings inside a human skull. I wonder if that’s one of the ways you know you’re obliged/destined to be a musician. Maybe it also depends on how it is reproduced in there. One of my teachers used to idealistically talk about how crucial the ear, both external and imagination-based, is in creating a final product on the instrument. I say idealistically because it is so far removed from the mundane practical advice one is usually given from teachers and coaches. For me, bringing philosophy and abstract notions into discussions of cello playing was quite fruitful. I suppose it is akin to my own way of conceiving music-making.

The laptop edge is leaning on my abdomen in an annoying yet gratifying way. Perhaps I should return it to its resting place and get the heck out of bed.

originally published on 2/9/08