All posts by adam@adamsatinsky.com

cello practice

Thumbs Up

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I just noticed that there’s a delightful bonus when I am at liberty to bend my thumb. I can phrase. I have somewhere to land after an up feeling. I am not up all the time. I can come down, musically and physically.
It works both ways. If I bend my thumb, it helps engender the downward downbeat arrival placement in a timely fashion. And if I strive to make the consequence of an upbeat feel and sound right, I discover that a locked thumb impedes it.

It seems to assist this when I have the thumb straight (but not bent backwards) during the upbeat. The thumb seems to play the music with me. How helpful.

Another surprising twist is that these upbeat and downbeat thumb responses need not be on upbows and downbows. They can happen anywhere in the course of a bow stroke, as long as the music calls for the appropriate inflection. It is incredible, this pliancy and independence of the thumb.

originally published on 1/22/10

everyday observations

Sentence

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I have that Bocelli encore in my head.

My bed smells weird – is that still the new bed smell?

I released my left hand pretty well this week.

I remembered some wondrous Starker tutelage while helping my young student.

It’s interesting to figure out where you are different and the same as your partner.

It’s getting hotter.

I have to buy a pool fence.

Cody is sleeping, but not at his normal time.

I guess I should have a party.

My dreams are intense when a virus is being fought.

originally published on 4/18/11

everyday observations

Untowards

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A friend of mine points out that I am highly judgmental of myself and others. It ends up making me extreme in my reactions and opinions. And neurotic. And impatient. It is all reflective of the ways in which I judge the world. I judge it by speed (impatient) and quality (snobby) and whether it serves me well (self-obsessed). But it all comes back to constant overseeing judgmentalness. It is my endless hamster wheel. Round and round. Back and forth. It is so comfortable and familiar, I couldn’t even imagine getting off the ride, the merry-go-round, the miserable-go-round. But I could. It could happen. I could stop long enough to step off onto the real ground, the real universe. I think I do step off (almost inadvertently) at times. Do I know when that takes place? I think so. I feel different then.

originally published on 3/23/07

hypotheses and philosophies

Inverness

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So, the theory is, I can begin limiting myself (in a way) to behaving not like an angel, not like a devil, but somewhere in that gray area in between. If I can sustain this behavior pattern long enough, it will force hidden feelings out of me which I have heretofore masked via those extreme states, which are somewhat obsessive and highly distracting states, really. The more I sustain the gray, the more things will come out of me which I have kept hidden, and which are only doing me harm in there. I must just be normal. And I must be in a state to handle what comes forth from this theoretically more natural place I will be in, which is not one extreme or another. Just being.

originally published on 3/29/07

reflections within

Apart

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What is loneliness? It’s a feeling of an invisible wall between you and others. It comes from within or without. I spend my time trying to elude this feeling. But it has an alluring side to it in the form of satiation. The filling in of the gap of loneliness is truly an amazing experience. But it’s a tricky little bugger, due to its depth. There are many layers of that cobblestone wall, and it acts as a guide directing you to this or that place in your heart. Then you must ask, is it always wise to follow its lead? I’m not sure. But if you ignore this particular feeling, the consequence could be worse than heeding it.

originally published on 4/20/07

cello practice, hypotheses and philosophies

Lefty Loosy

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I realized something. Music-making is really just the tip of the iceberg. It is the cherry on top. There are so many other ways to forge your way through life, to while away the hours of a day. Those things are the journey. Music-making is just a rest stop. The best music comes from an accumulation of many other things. The pith of those other things will determine the quality of the music. I have always thought you can work on music just on its own, but now I am changing my mind.< In addition, I can now see why too much awareness and self-reflection detracts from the overall quality of the music. Making the music be the focal point will unravel all that it is made of. Music should be allowed to be abstract. Unfettered. originally published on 6/10/07

cello practice, hypotheses and philosophies

Blanket Statement

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Upon further investigation (a reading session with some friends) I better understand what makes music-making so elusive and challenging. The pithiness inside yourself I referred to earlier sustains you in the midst of creating the music. One can so easily cave in on oneself if not for that support system. The richness of the music, the grandeur and beauty, must be counterbalanced by whatever one might experience in the daylight of real life.

The thing is you cannot substitute will power or intellectualization for life experience. That is the temptation, because it seems so much more efficient. However, the more time-consuming path of making my life enriching will actually accomplish what I need. And in the end it will be quicker. I won’t keep going in circles, for one thing.

originally published on 6/11/07

reflections within

Porous

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I can see how I am different. I can see how I am not a conforming person. I view relationships in an unusual way. I view friendships like family. Maybe this is learned. I view love and friendship in the same basic category. All three, love, friendship and family, have an underlying quality which links them. Apparently this is something of a taboo idea. It is at least almost completely unspoken. People put up huge barriers between these three sentiments.

Another way of saying it is that there are different kinds of families. Families can spring up from various sources. The idea of family is transferable. I could say the same thing about love and friendship, but for me, family is the purest concept of the three, so I can use it best.

originally published on 6/13/07

cello practice, everyday observations

Iffy

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I played tonight here in WY. I was focusing on my relaxation goals. I noticed the response of my instinct/training in regards to my breathing. On different nights I breathe differently. Of course, everything changes on a constant basis. It can be rather annoying, but once a nice girl colleague at a music festival told me it’s better than being bored.

One thing I noticed about breathing is the continuum between total inhalation and total exhalation and the effect it has on my overall sensation. When you inhale it is a refreshing, invigorating feeling, and it gives a somewhat strengthening result. During exhalation, you feel soothed, calmed and loosened. It can make you feel like rubber.

The troubling thing that happens in my head if I make strides, is that I get overwhelmed by the possibilities and permutations. I suppose that isn’t helpful for any mental equilibrium.

originally published on 8/5/07

cello practice

Pinto

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Today I realized something at rehearsal. It’s a good thing, too, and is as follows: I can incorporate the Perlmanesque approach I’ve been working on as an ingredient in my playing, rather than the whole entree. Having worked fairly steadily for the past few days on being utterly loose, I noticed this feeling cropping up this morning even when I wasn’t focusing on doing it. I was trying to be relaxed in general, but the specific Perlman loosy-goosy-handed and -armed sensation is special, so I could tell when it arrived.

It’s more organic for me to continue on in my practicing with the semi-vague goal of simple non-tension, versus the somewhat idiosyncratic Itzhak way of doing things. I don’t feel obliged to suppress the other positive influences on the health of my playing, either. They can be all friends and share space inside me, I hope.

originally published on 8/8/07