I believe I am on the brink, the precipice. This seems to explain a lot of the things that are going on in my head, things which are very hard to explain to anybody else. It is very easy for me to be knocked off any kind of balance point that I may have found. Many things can do it. A dare is sometimes the culprit. I tell myself that I am feeling good and unperturbed, and then I ask myself how this may be undermined. I dare myself. Recently I realized that it probably shouldn’t be that easy to topple my peace of mind.

I have been on the edge like that for a long time. I have also ironically thought that I have an unusually strong sense of stability. Maybe it is simply an outcome of all the effort I am making to be stable and self-aware. I feel that deeper down I am truly on the edge. I expend a lot of energy concocting a facade to stabilize this. I would love to be able to address this directly, instead.

originally published on 8/21/07