The other question is whether I have a greater or lesser need for socializing than other people. I used to claim, even to myself, that I liked being something of a loner. But now I wonder if I was simply trying to make some sense of the way I related to the world. I didn’t necessarily enjoy being alone, but it was preferable to making the herculean effort to have pleasant banter with acquaintances.
But I felt a little more at ease today after venting and formulating hypotheses here last night. I could observe others more clearly, more objectively. Maybe that’s the first step towards the ability to approach others in the miraculous way they approach eachother.

I also felt myself breathing differently. I noticed that when the breath stays inside my lungs, it permeates out through the limbs and fingers. I don’t necessarily have to take breaths, deep or otherwise, to benefit from the presence of air in my body. I just have to use it, be sensitive to its presence.

originally published on 7/31/08