I somehow am under the misapprehension that you must be in a state of undue tension in order to make and emote beautiful music. I have been trying to relax as much as possible, as I have blogged previously, but once my initial tryout period fizzles out, I come back to what I must consider “real playing.” The relaxed version of my playing does not register in my mental musical associations. It’s like fluff. But I need to convince my inner self otherwise, not primarily for comfort, in truth. It really sounds superior on many fronts. It is really more in tune, and more ringing, and much easier to phrase and play around with colors.
I guess I thought that by impersonating Perlman in a sense, the looseness would come about and be absorbed and assimilated by sheer emotionality and love and admiration. I suppose my love for my own musical taste and needs supersedes that.

originally published on 8/14/07