If only the reasons I am sure life is worth cherishing could help me help myself. I seem to be okay with not completely flushing my life down the toilet. I can retain a modicum of life force in the face of all that weighs me down.

Unfortunately, my ability to make positive change stubbornly evades my attempts. I guess I knew this about myself, but I also seem to stubbornly believe I should keep trying. Haha. Stubbornness against stubbornness. Butting heads. Sound familiar? It echoes life and relationship. What fun are relationships if not for these head butting matches? A lot, actually. But my fate does not seem to be limited to peace and tranquility. No matter how much I think it could or should. I have angst, damnit. My supposed zen calm may very well be angst in disguise.