For my close friend Dick Carter, having passed away November, 2011.

You were at my wedding! (Not much pomp and circumstance, but it meant a lot to me). I miss you. Especially when I need some sage advice from a close friend, one who knows things about my life no one else does, and could understand the way you do. I do think of you in the present tense. It actually hasn’t sunk in that you’re not here anymore. A year-and-a-half later. It doesn’t seem very long. Just a blink of an eye.

I wasn’t ready for this. Even if the thought had occurred to me. Our age difference didn’t create any gulf between us. From the first EA meeting when I heard you speak and then introduced myself afterwards, I felt a kinship with you that is rare in my experience. Perhaps a lot of people felt that with you. But it carried me far when the going went rough, both in meetings and in the rest of my life.

Remember when we had an ad hoc meeting in your living room with a few of us guys? Remember when you helped me out (!) with my crazy summer tenant? And you were the most beloved devotee of my music making here in town. You would always ask me about my summer music plans with great interest. You wanted to come hear me and visit me, but your loving curiosity about it was just as good as an actual visit. We did have a few nice phone conversations from across the country. You always had great interest in when I would be returning, in which months, so that we could reconnect. Basically, you cared.

But of course it was your wisdom on more personal matters that I miss most deeply. That I need. How many discussions about romantic relationships (mostly mine, but also some yours) did we have? God knows. And thank God for all of them. I was so happy to hear about your good feelings, both with and without your significant others. I think we had a similar style of looking at certain aspects of life. It’s called friendship. I’ve never had a friendship like ours end like this.

But you were my sponsor, too. I put you in, and you accepted, a position of advisor and guide for my emotional and EA progress for quite a few years. It was wonderful, believe me. Invaluable. It went way deep.

Thank you for all the bottled water. Thank you for that dinner you shared with me. And Cody. You were sweet with Cody. Sweeter than me. And my God, how sweet you were with your granddaughter. Ha! She was one lucky girl.

I’m sad I haven’t been able to connect with Cherry. I don’t know if she has some issue with me, or if she has simply moved on. I loved spending time with the 2 of you. You were really sweet together.

I am not going to say goodbye to you. You have SO not gone. I actually want to grow closer to you, if I may. You bring out the things in me that I should hold dearest. You are absolutely alive, in my heart.

originally published on 4/8/13