It matters. It matters what you say. It matters how you think. It matters that you exist. It matters if you speak or don’t. Some things are better left unsaid. Mom advised not to speak too readily under certain circumstances.
Was it for this reason? To keep something in your heart? Close to your heart. Close to your sleeve. Is it that important what you do or don’t share? Am I known for my shares? And non shares.
It’s interesting to distinguish between things that might be perceived as practice for life and things that are real life. One distinction might be the question of cost. Is real life by definition free? Real for yourself, at least. Your real experiences are to some degree untouchable and untaxable. Unknowable to an outside party. I can write and write and write, but won’t there always remain a proportion unmentioned? Not on purpose. Just by deleterious destiny. There’s an inner life and an outer life. People talk about a rich inner life. That could mean a wide range of emotions and pieces of understanding that inevitably remain unspoken, unexposed.
If I were to title this blog in some sort of legitimate way, not in any way obscure, would that take away something from the expression? Is it along the lines of what I’m talking about, ways to express myself or repress myself? Repressing is a term that certainly has a bad rap. Maybe it’s not so bad if it only applies to not expressing yourself on the outside. I used to believe that if I wasn’t writing or in some way bearing my soul, I was essentially dead. What if that isn’t the truth? What if I don’t turn to ash the moment this blog entry has run its course?
Maybe one reason I don’t title appropriately is that I don’t want to reread the blog right after I finish. I am using it as a way to intuitively express my ideas and feelings. It’s not an essay for an English course. So if I don’t reread it, I won’t have a sense of its entirety, an overview. In fact, I write specifically so that I don’t have to have the ideas in my head. Rereading will reinsert those ideas back where I don’t want them. Since almost no one reads this, it has become more of a private journal anyway. It doesn’t have to be made to attract readers in that sense. I suppose in another sense I would be glad to be a source of some solace or wisdom to anyone that might be in need of it. Maybe I can scan the entries quickly to get a sense of what my main points were.
Maybe even for myself, if and when I want my own solace or need some wisdom, I will be able to search topics more easily if the titles clearly state what I wrote about.