Tag Archives: music

everyday observations

Lean-To

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Here is some of my journaling from today: I got worked up in rehearsal. I always get worked up at rehearsals. I start out okay, if I’m lucky. Then I start losing myself. My true self. Then my fighting, venting, passive-aggressive self begins to take over. Then it’s over. It’s just a question of how rapid the descent.
I guess it’s hard for me to think about the future when I am secretly (even to myself) ruminating over past events. I would obviously like to be able to plan future events. It would be more fun to have an idea of how my life might blossom and grow, or even just scheduling a nice vacation trip. I guess I feel lucky to make it one day at a time due to the burden weighing on me from unresolved relation(ships).

I’m back. Actually the rehearsal was a positive experience for me. I started out in quite a different place than my usual work/musician mindset. And there’s really only one possible explanation. Self discovery. I know for a fact that my self-awareness and wisdom directly affect music-making. It ain’t no theory.

originally published on 3/19/08

cello practice

Intertwixed

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I’ve had a couple of good days of musical digging with my friend. We’ve gone through my concerto movement by movement to understand what is being portrayed. I was reminded of Bull Durham in the sense of the wise adviser and the semi-mindless pupil (me being Tim Robbins). It’s amazing to me how I can embody either role depending on the circumstance. Also how it is impossible to imagine myself in the alternate position during the other.
Although I feel better physically simply when I am exploring and extracting things musically, I have also come upon another technical idiosyncrasy which I know you will care about. Focusing on releasing the hand/arm affects the opposing one in like fashion. I guess I already knew this, but now I am seeing the true benefits of this approach over direct relaxation. It is much less likely to backfire. I perpetually undermine my efforts to relax (!) by overdoing the relaxing mantra I am working for at the moment. I become obsessed over the body part in question to the exclusion of all else, and I end up quite imbalanced as a human being. You may be surprised how easy this is to do to myself.

On the other hand, the indirect approach to looseness seems to prevent this overfocusing. It also has the benefit of affecting a more well-rounded proportion of my body.

originally published on 4/27/09

cello practice, hypotheses and philosophies

Lefty Loosy

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I realized something. Music-making is really just the tip of the iceberg. It is the cherry on top. There are so many other ways to forge your way through life, to while away the hours of a day. Those things are the journey. Music-making is just a rest stop. The best music comes from an accumulation of many other things. The pith of those other things will determine the quality of the music. I have always thought you can work on music just on its own, but now I am changing my mind.< In addition, I can now see why too much awareness and self-reflection detracts from the overall quality of the music. Making the music be the focal point will unravel all that it is made of. Music should be allowed to be abstract. Unfettered. originally published on 6/10/07

cello practice, hypotheses and philosophies

Blanket Statement

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Upon further investigation (a reading session with some friends) I better understand what makes music-making so elusive and challenging. The pithiness inside yourself I referred to earlier sustains you in the midst of creating the music. One can so easily cave in on oneself if not for that support system. The richness of the music, the grandeur and beauty, must be counterbalanced by whatever one might experience in the daylight of real life.

The thing is you cannot substitute will power or intellectualization for life experience. That is the temptation, because it seems so much more efficient. However, the more time-consuming path of making my life enriching will actually accomplish what I need. And in the end it will be quicker. I won’t keep going in circles, for one thing.

originally published on 6/11/07