Tag Archives: philosophy

cello practice, hypotheses and philosophies

Bender

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I seem to vacillate between a mechanical and an emotional approach to natural cello technique and performance. It is only those rare moments that I can muster both at the same time.

If I make fresh headway in my emotional and personal development, I often find that I can use those insights to assist my musical expression. Music is not all that different than life, although applying that maxim is easier said than done.

I have recently noticed that I tend to skim the surface of my relationships, mistaking fleeting euphoria for true joy. So I reasoned that I am probably doing the same thing with my music-making. When I then tried to open myself up to riskier, more global sentiments, I felt more at one and at peace in my interpreting. It’s like it resonated inside me more, which reminds me of something Sebok loved to talk about. The path to wisdom is rarely found in a straight line.

originally published on 6/17/08

hypotheses and philosophies

Bar None

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I am only as able to relish life’s offerings as my level of openness permits. I cannot pick and choose what I will open myself up to or what I will bar from my life. Everything is dependent on an overarching quantity and quality of trust. I don’t like this aspect of life? Then I don’t get to enjoy this other thing that I yearn for, because they are at equal levels of intensity. Tough luck. So much for Utopia. If you think you’re going to find your Utopia, achieve your nirvana, think again. Because any amount of intense joy and pleasure invariably opens the gates to an equivalent amount of annoyance, displeasure and sorrow. Sorry buddy. You have to take the good with the bad, as the saying goes.

The icky things I’ve chosen to bar from my immediate existence should be bothersome enough to be worth what I’m giving up on the sunnier side of the spectrum. That’s a tough call, but at least I should try to be more conscious of my capacity to make that decision.

originally published on 7/12/08

hypotheses and philosophies

Gargantuan

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I am a victim. I behave like a victim. One aspect of that is turning the victimization in on oneself. Those feelings have to go somewhere. You try not to let them loose on others, so who’s left but your little self?

Maybe that is one odd thing we are never taught – how to release all those pent up feelings of hurt and frustration. It doesn’t fit very neatly into society. You almost have to reinvent society to fit your needs. It’s kind of like starting from scratch. You wake up and you say, “I am not going to continue following this path that is so ill-suited to my own happiness. But since this is the path laid out before me, I’m going to have to step off into the abyss and take this one moment as if I am a newborn baby. I shall be absolutely clueless as to how things are arranged in this world and how I’m expected to act. And just do this moment by moment until I find I am forging a brand new path.” That is the precise opposite of a victim – one who determines his own destiny. It is also the opposite of a victimizer/abuser. Neither sides of that particular coin are making choices of their own. Their lives are waking nightmares, recirculating past events with no expectation of awakening to the beauties of the now.

originally published on 10/10/08

hypotheses and philosophies

Beautician

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People like to say that only very stupid or very wise people are happy. I was thinking that there may be some crossover there which could explain that connection. Krishnamurti talks about the futility and destructiveness of thinking. I would certainly place him in the very wise category; he also appeared a happy person.

What about the difference between rationalizing and brainwashing? We all admit we rationalize at times, but is there that big a leap to consider us brainwashed? I think I get brainwashed many times a day. It’s very frustrating if I end up believing for a time that I have discovered something that is real; the bubble is burst when I discover how easily I can be otherwise convinced. I seem to be swayed by pretty, shiny things.

I am thinking that you may be able to develop the ability to choose the things that will brainwash you. If you are not under the misapprehension that most things represent some kind of reality, you could develop more wherewithal and say in what you allow to penetrate your mind and heart.< And God? Is he/she/it more-so a path to a docile, sheep-like mentality, or transformative spiritual interconnectedness? Or as previously noted, are those two states oddly interwoven? originally published on 1/6/09

hypotheses and philosophies

Young, or not

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Self-sufficiency. What an odd concept. It seems so desirable. But its only use may be to allow one to bring something to the table of interdependency. Because once you have that ever-sought-after autonomy, what then? I suppose one thing you could do is continue exploring the vast nothingness of the soul and universe in perfect focus and isolation. I do fantasize about doing just that. But why am I so hard-put to actually pursue that path? One problem is that the fantasy of such supreme meditation never matches the reality. It could be that I am overshooting, imagining the final stages of a higher conscious state, when one only achieves that via hours and years of much duller and effortful sessions, lonely sitting on the floor. So, not surprisingly, I have not steadfastly endured such. I end up kind of weaving in between the fleeting pleasures of bonding with others and the similarly momentary high of a few minutes in solitude.

originally published on 3/9/09

hypotheses and philosophies

Barter

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You may be asking what it means to grow up. The usual cliche meaning is to take on more responsibilities. But that’s just a part of it I think, because many kids have fairly hefty responsibilities. The distinguishing characteristic may be how one perceives these burdens and tasks. If you understand the purpose of the tasks, then you can make informed decisions as to when to undertake them. You can mold your responsibilities into an organized lifestyle, a life unique to your personal traits and passions.< Another adult quality is appreciation. Adults learn to prefer the complexities and burdens of life to the simplicity of childhood via gratitude. In fact, it's even better because if we're lucky, we can still enjoy the simple things during the interim between our tasks. originally published on 3/14/09

hypotheses and philosophies

Bander

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I’m still stuck on the prostrations I put myself through unnecessarily. Why can’t I avert the hoops, mind games and overstraining and get right to the well-balanced enlightenment? I have a theory about that. (I know someone who would groan at those words.) Is it possible that somewhere inside I believe that the best way to enjoy the high is to sink into the depths of despair beforehand? Is that my perfect setup? You see, if I skip that particular setup, it’s just possible that I won’t even know when I’ve hit the moment of elation.

That would also explain why an identical situation feels so different on different occasions. It’s the context, or what preceded it. This seems to go along nicely with the Buddhist philosophy I’ve been reading up on. Nothing is real; nothing is as it seems to be; all is impermanent in this life. The high that I think I am feeling is only thus by contrast to the low. The goal should be to bypass all of these swings up or down, and keep your eye on altruistic aspirations for all sentient beings. I’d like that.

originally published on 3/25/09

hypotheses and philosophies

Junction

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The Buddhist stuff is amazing because I keep finding it proven in my daily activities and experience; I have to work very little to convince myself of its veracity. I also like a philosophy that has its roots in the truth of everyday life rather than seemingly arbitrary edicts and deities. Indeed, there’s just enough of an unknowable, afterlife element to qualify it as a somewhat comforting religion instead of just a philosophy.

originally published on 3/25/09

reflections within

Reeked and Wracked

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I am definitely prone to being all or nothing. One extreme or the other. This week I find myself trying my hardest to please, to be a good boy, a perfect fellow. I don’t even know I am making perfection my goal, but I am. It is a goal wracked with risks. One of the chief ones seems to be my own shame trip when I see a flaw in my efforts. Also, I end up drawn to others of like extremeness. Maybe that explains the prior blog’s reference to idle, pleasant repartee and its seeming uselessness. Who needs a conversation when it sticks to the sane, centered ground of everyday life? This propensity to primarily engage with extremists only exacerbates the imbalance within myself, and it makes a way out harder to locate from the mire.
I do appear to be somewhat obsessed with karma, again without my knowing it. It is probably a great way to widen those extremes I so love. I seek good karma (a habit apparently ingrained in me from God knows where). For instance, I imagine if I can play Mozart beautifully, I will go to Heaven (have good karma). Then I fear that if I disobey someone I respect or care about (or am intimidated by), I will have bad karma (go to Hell, I suppose). What’s in between these two options, I ask? I can’t say. Sadly, what is in between might be the stuff which makes up a life. Is that like hearing between the notes?

These extremes of ideology, emotion or obsession which I and others run to are facades, but they certainly seem convincing in the moment. I would like to be able to differentiate between fantasy and some semblance of reality. Then I will know when I am simply taking a temporary flight of the imagination (either alone or with someone else) from which I can exit at my leisure.

originally published on 5/19/07