A friend of mine points out that I am highly judgmental of myself and others. It ends up making me extreme in my reactions and opinions. And neurotic. And impatient. It is all reflective of the ways in which I judge the world. I judge it by speed (impatient) and quality (snobby) and whether it serves me well (self-obsessed). But it all comes back to constant overseeing judgmentalness. It is my endless hamster wheel. Round and round. Back and forth. It is so comfortable and familiar, I couldn’t even imagine getting off the ride, the merry-go-round, the miserable-go-round. But I could. It could happen. I could stop long enough to step off onto the real ground, the real universe. I think I do step off (almost inadvertently) at times. Do I know when that takes place? I think so. I feel different then.

originally published on 3/23/07